Worries & Pain

Well, recently I had to break a friendship for the sake of the friend. I pieced together that a close friend of mine, a freshman in high school, was doing something that was in the MUST REPORT category of things. So I tried to talk to him about it and he blatantly lied to me about it. Thus, my hand was forced to talk to his mom about the situation. I'm still waiting for an update from her about what's going on. It really hurts me deep to break his trust like that, but i know it was right. Heck, apparently the trust wasn't there anymore anyways since he lied to me about it. It still hurts. I care deeply about my friends and I never like being put in that position. But better to loose a friendship than to loose a friend. Please keep him in your prayers.

Your brother,
Shock

DJX

Well, Destination Jesus X was this weekend, and I'm exhausted. I was trying to hunt down a Confirmandi of mine that I hadn't physically seen in 4 years and so I ended up meeting almost every kid there, all 900 of them. It was a great retreat though. Continues to deepen my faith, even after 7 previous times of going. I just wish more people could be there. It's hard having a retreat like that and not being able to invite everyone I know to it. It also helps me to gain motivation towards the Priesthood when I go there. To see the number of kids going to Confession just warms my heart to no end. I look forward to the day I can help that line move more quickly. There is a bright future in the Diocese of Lafayette-in-IN. Now I seek sleep. God bless.
Your brother,
Shock

Requiem In Pace

Yesterday a very dear friend of mine died fairly suddenly, Fr. Larry Landini, a Priest of the Order of Friars Minor (aka a Franciscan). He was a good man whom I loved and who loved me as well. It's hard when a brother dies. I cried 4 times yesterday, and I rarely cry to begin with, so it was a rough day. I know he is happy and was happy with his life, I just miss my ability to spend time with him. A good ol' joke, a laugh for no reason, a bump while walking down the sidewalk, a hollar from a distance to "help a blind man," and an example of the compasion and love a Priest is meant to have. All of these things will be dearly missed and I look forward to when I get to see him again in 60+ years. Until then, Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. I miss you Father Larry, frater. Rest in peace, my dear friend.

This weekend is definitely a time for grieving. For 32 years now, women have been decieved into believing that it's ok to kill the child within their womb. For 32 years, children have been called non-human, just as the Jews in the Holocaust were called. For 32 years, women have been scarred by knowing that a life inside of them was destroyed by their choice (many times a forced "choice"). For 32 years, people have been decieved into believing that procedures that kill someone, and can have many severe consequences, are safe. For 32 years, the American public has been decieved and over 40 Million of us have been killed by that misconception. Supposedly they say thousands of women died each year from illegal abortions before Roe v. Wade, however, the person who was used to attest to that in court admits that he simply made the number up. The actual number was only 150 in the years before Roe v. Wade (according a chart from the National Center for Health Statistics). While 150 women shouldn't have to die each year, 1,000,000 children shouldn't die either. We may not be able to stop those 150 women from choosing a path that leads to their death, but we put barriers up against the death of those 1,000,000 children. Women have been hurt in deeper ways than just physically by abortion, and it's time that the deception stop. Today is definitely a day to pray, pray for those who have had abortions, pray for those working to stop abortions, pray for those who promote or provide abortions. And pray for all children, born and unborn. Give all people, even the unborn, their rights to LIFE, liberty, and the persuit of happiness.

Shock

For those who want an update

Well, the retreat went very well. Silence very much is golden. Yes, Shocklee can actually enjoy silence quite well. God was really hammering me about some things and at the same time trying to get me to not be so anxious. Major themes He seemed to be wanting me to understand were for me to not try to carry crosses that were not meant for me and TO pick up the ones that ARE. Seems simple enough, but is very difficult in practice. But overall the retreat was really good.

Since the end of the retreat, classes have now started. Looks to be a good semester, some hard courses, but a good semester overall. Classes this semester include: 20th & 21st Century Philosophy, Greek IV (Acts of the Apostles and Pauline Letters), Inklings (J.R.R. Tolkein, CS Lewis, & Williams), Late Modern Philosophy (18th & 19th Century), Intro to Old and New Testament, Swimming (I'm teaching), and Choir. That should keep me out of trouble. A LOT of reading though. For someone who didn't read in high school, I better get used to it now.

And not much is going on at this point, besides going on the March for Life this coming weekend in D.C. and preparing for my part in the school play, The Hobbit. I'm Gollom (I feel type-cast). Well, time to go to Mass. God bless.

Shock

Spring Semester 2005 Begins

Well, here I stand at the start of my last semester of college. WOO HOO! (Then only 4 more years after that to go...) :-( I've enjoyed my time at the Pontifical College Josephinum, but I'm also ready for a change. Sometime soon I'm supposed to start filling out the paperwork for my graduate studies at Mount Saint Mary's Seminary in Emmitsburg, MD. Finally into major Seminary.

But as for now, I've just gotten back to the Josephinum and tomorrow morning we begin our 5 day silent retreat (Tues - Sat). I'm looking quite forward to it, but this is gonna be a hard retreat. My Spiritual Director expects me to take advantage of this to really push myself to be ready for the 30 day silent retreat this summer. That's gonna be rougher. I've got a lot to figure out this semester and pray about. It's time to really stop being wishy washy about making positive and permanent improvements in some aspects of my spiritual life.

To really give ya'll a bit of an update, here is a few of the highlights from Christmas break. I had several good conversations with friends. A few of those conversations I noticed how I was loosing my "non-official" church leader role in their lives and some of them had started to put up some walls because I was becoming more "officially" a church leader in their eyes. That's very painful to see, especially from close friends, though not unexpected... On the Seminarian retreat, I had a very good experience. There were two main things that God seemed to want to get across to me: 1. "You have not chosen Me, I have chosen you." and 2. "Pick up YOUR cross and follow Me." (emphasis on YOUR)... The first of those, God really wanted me to stop dwelling on my flaws and failings and just let Him work through me. He knew me fully well before He called me to study in the Seminary, He knows who He's picked. I need to trust in him more. The second of those two messages is where God wants me to stop worrying so much about the decisions others make and to start focusing on the decisions I need to make to follow Christ. Not that I shouldn't concern myself for other's lives, but that I need to recognize that their choices in life are not mine to decide. I pain myself over the bad decisions my friends make all too often. And I have enough areas with bad decisions in my own life that I need to start making good decisions about. So instead of worrying about other's crosses, first I need to pick up my own and start carrying it, embracing it... And to wrap up the break, I had one youth really make a deep impression on me. He actually asked to borrow the book I have called, "How to Make a Good Confession." As a sophomore in high school, to speak up and ask to borrow a book like that from a Seminarian shows quite a level of maturity. A level that at times I wish I had myself. Yes, youth can teach us much.

And that pretty much brings us back to school. And here I sit prepping for the retreat. It's very hard for me to let go of all the worries around me. I really need to trust God more. If anyone is willing, please pray for me. The areas that I'll really need prayers involve: discerning what God wills for me, picking up my cross, trusting in God, and embracing chastity (which is more than just simply celibacy for those who don't know). Know that I love you all and will be praying for you, even if you don't believe in a God. Now I will soon retire to bed. Talk again soon.
Your brother,
Shock

Countdown

Well, there are three main countdowns in my mind right now. First, it's less than 2 weeks to the end of the semester. Secondly, it's barely over 5 months till I graduate from College. Thirdly, it's only 4 1/2 years to Ordination. The first two are pretty cool in and of themselves. The third is cool and scary at the same time. 4 1/2 years may seem like a long time to many, but when I consider that that is less time than has passed since I graduated from high school (5 1/2 years), it seems very short. Am I ready for this? Will I really be a good Priest? Am I just trying to put myself into a position of importance? These are all questions that run through my head. Yet, I think I am doing what God wants. God, please make sure that I am.

In other news, I'm filling out the application for my silent retreat this summer. It's not a garauntee that I'll be accepted for it, but I truly hope that I am. 30 days of silence is not just a gift to those around me, it will definitely be a growing experience. I hope I'm ready for it. And I will be keeping each of you in my prayers during it (even those who may read this and are less fond of me). Well that's it for tonight folks. I hope all is well. God bless.

Shock